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You want me to eat what on Thanksgiving?! — Part 1

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Many Thanksgiving traditions go without saying. What grown adult hasn’t, at some point in their life, sat around a table listing something for which they are grateful? Thanksgiving conjures images of roasted golden turkeys, fluffy mashed potatoes, and mom’s apple pie.

The late November gorge-fest brings to mind the smells of hours of cooking and the warm fuzzies of hanging with close friends and family.

Or it could be eating some really weird s**t.

Because wacky is more fun than traditional, I’ve compiled a list of must (or must not) adventures for an off-the-wall Thanksgiving to remember.

First up, the main event. You’ve all heard of the Turducken — a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey (I think that’s the order). That’s overdone. It’s been joked about in sitcoms and around dinner tables for years.

Let’s think bigger.

Turgooduccochiqua.

No, I didn’t just sneeze. Who would settle for three meats all tucked in together when you could have six? This big hunk of meat is a quail inside a Cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose. Did I mention there’s bacon tucked in between? I don’t know if this sounds awesome or nauseating, but what I do know is it may take four large men and a tractor-trailer to squeeze all those birds into a goose.

Bacon-wrapped bird

This one is perhaps a little old, too, but it’s weird, fantastic and gluttonous all at the same time.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the roasted turkey wrapped in a bacon blanket because what could be better than cloaking your bird in pig butt?

This superstar of poultry (and swine) is just a common bird baked, not fried, whichever you think is best. This culinary diva suggests first dry-brining the bird two days before the big day, rubbing it in bacon butter the day before and then cooking the delicious right into that bacon-wrapped beauty the day of. The only difference between this main dish and the one grandma made is the hand-woven sheath of bacon draped over it.

Using about a pound of bacon, weave one piece of raw bacon at a time over the body of the turkey, tucking each piece over and under just like Little Red Riding Hood’s little basket. The greasy bacon adds flavor to the turkey, keeps the meat moist, and the drippings make for some killer gravy.

Bon appétit! Or should I say, bacon appétit!

Tofurky

Don’t eat meat? No problem! Tofurky is just the ticket. Nothing says “Meat is gross, I don’t eat it,” like shaping tofu into a shape that looks like meat!

This vegetarian or vegan alternative to Thanksgiving’s rock star turkey is basically just a bunch of tofu squished into a cheesecloth-lined colander to take on a turkey-esque shape and then stuffed. I’ve heard it’s actually quite delicious, but I’m still a little perplexed at making non-meat main courses for people who don’t eat meat look like the thing they don’t eat. I’d make it look like broccoli. That sounds fun.

There are probably a million ways to cook a turkey that falls outside the traditional oven-roasted awesomeness or deep-fried fire hazard. I saw something about stuffing the bird with a beer can and roasting it pig-style over a giant fire pit. But I think I’ll just leave this chef’s crazy bear-shaped Frankenstein turkey right here just in case you need a good nightmare.

Whether you’re eating an actual turkey, a turkey stuffed into something else with other stuff stuffed in it, or a fake meat turkey, you can give that bird a Florida suntan with some creatively placed aluminum foil. Just crinkle the foil over the turkey in the shape of whatever bikini style suits your bird’s figure and leave it there while baking. The turkey will emerge later that day sporting tan lines. Oh, and don’t forget to position the legs above the head so it looks like your main dish is sunbathing!

Moving on to everyone’s favorite part of Thanksgiving, the side dishes!

Whipped Mashed Potatoes with Celery Root

This sounds totally yummy, but it’s weird. Mashed potatoes win the “you can’t F — this one up” award year after year. Boil some potatoes. Smother them in some milk or cream and a bunch of butter. Squish them up all nice and viola, turkey’s favorite companion and holder of gravy! With this new recipe, Uncle Fred could mess up his one contribution to the holiday dinner.

These mashed potatoes look more like Cool Whip than mashed potatoes. They’re void of any lumps and could probably be spread deliciously onto a bagel.

A pound of celery root, a few sprigs of thyme, and a hint of cheese give this Thanksgiving rendition an earthy hint. It may be weird, but it may impress your new girlfriend’s mom.

Frog Eye Salad

I’m unsure if this one is a side dish or a dessert. It could safely fall into either category, as it contains both pasta and Cool Whip. I will go with a side dish based on its’ salad’ categorization.

First off, no frogs were harmed in the making of this dish.

This recipe calls for Acini di Pepe pasta, which gives it a frog-eye appearance. It also looks like round pieces of pasta. Still, since whoever invented it clearly thought frog eye sounded appetizing, it now just looks like Kermit and his brethren sacrificed their eyeballs to garnish your Thanksgiving feast.

The eyeball-shaped pasta is mixed with a sugary combination of Cool Whip and a bunch of fruit. It looks kind of like pasta salad, but minus the usual makings of salad, like, you know, onions, celery and boiled eggs.

Throw any of these dishes onto your Thanksgiving Day spread and Grandma Esther and Aunt Edith are sure to be talking about the “weird” Thanksgiving for years to come! Please keep your eyes peeled for installment two of our wacky Turkey Day recipes for desserts, hors d’oeuvres, and even a funky cocktail.





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Senate committee willing to test the waters on expanding swim lesson vouchers

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The Senate Health Policy Committee plunged into a proposal to expand the Florida swim lesson voucher program that provides financial help for teaching kids how to handle water.

The panel approved a measure (SB 428) by Sen. Clay Yarborough, a Jacksonville Republican, to allow older kids to qualify for the voucher program. The current program, originally enacted in 2024, provides vouchers for families of children aged 0 to 4 years old. Yarborough’s bill would allow kids 1 to 7 to qualify for vouchers.

Yarborough told the committee that in the first year of life for infants, they don’t really “learn” how to swim as much as they act instinctively in the water. Furthermore, he said, adding additional years will help ensure lessons for children who didn’t get around to learning how to swim earlier.

Corrine Bria, a pediatric emergency medical physician at Nemours Children’s Health facility in Orlando, spoke at the hearing and said the rise in young drownings is heartbreaking. Nemours has handled 35 drownings of children in the past three years, and 90% of those are under the age of 7, Bria said.

“As a physician in a pediatric emergency department I see firsthand what it looks like when a child gets carried into the ED (emergency department) by a parent or brought in on a stretcher after drowning,” Bria said. “We know that a child can drown in a matter of seconds and this happens too frequently in Florida.”

Jason Hagensick, President and CEO of the YMCA of South Palm Beach County, also addressed the committee on behalf of the Florida State Alliance of YMCAs and said the revision to the swimming lesson voucher program would be a big improvement.

“Drowning remains a leading cause of unintentional injury (and) death in the United States,” Hagensick said, adding that early swim lessons reduce the risk of drowning by 88%.

“Expanding the swim voucher program to include children up to the age of 7 will dramatically increase access to essential swim instruction at a time when those skills are most impactful,” Hagensick continued. “It will deepen water competency and strengthen confidence for kids and parents alike and help prevent needless tragedies that devastate families and communities.”

A similar bill (HB 85) is working its way through the House. The House Health Care Budget Subcommittee approved that measure last week. Rep. Kim Kendall, a St. Augustine Republican, is sponsoring the House version.



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Senate advances Jason Pizzo bill extending PTSD workers’ comp coverage to 911 dispatchers

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Legislation that would narrowly recategorize 911 dispatchers as first responders so they can receive workers’ compensation for work-related psychological injuries is one step closer to passing in the Legislature’s upper chamber.

Members of the Government Oversight and Accountability Committee voted unanimously to advance the bill (SB 774), which would eliminate a barrier that today denies aid to people who are often the first to respond to a crime.

The measure’s sponsor, Hollywood Sen. Jason Pizzo, noted that during his time as a prosecutor, playing a 911 call would often be the most effective thing to do to sway a jury.

“911, what’s your emergency? He’s going to kill me! He’s going to kill me! Now, imagine hearing that 12 times a day, 15 times a day,” he said.

“Two years ago, you all voted to require these 911 operators to be proficient in CPR so they could administer (it) over the phone. And they’re not considered first responders? They are first responders, and they’ve been grossly overlooked and screwed, and this brings some remedy.”

SB 774 would add 911 dispatchers to the group of “first responders” covered by Florida’s special workers’-compensation rules for employment-related mental or nervous injuries. It would apply the same framework to them as other first responders for mental health claims.

Essentially, if you’re a 911 dispatcher and develop post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety or similar mental health injuries from traumatic calls, SB 774 would make it so you can get workers’ comp-covered treatment and that your claim is handled under the same special rules lawmakers already set for other first responders — without certain time-limit restrictions that typically apply to mental injury benefits.

Several dispatchers signaled or spoke in favor of the bill, as did representatives from the Florida Police Chiefs Association, Florida Sheriffs Association and Consolidated Dispatch Agency.

Jennifer Dana, a dispatcher with the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office, noted that in a Senate analysis of SB 774, there’s a list of disturbing things first responders see and do on the job, from seeing dead children and witnessing murders to helping severely injured people, including those who commit suicide.

What it doesn’t include, she said, is that 911 dispatchers also witness those things.

“We’re seeing and hearing it,” she said. “We have the technology for people to livestream it now, so it’s a double-whammy for us, and we want to make sure we have the protections.”

Kim Powell, a licensed and clinical mental health counselor who oversees an employee behavioral health program at a 911 communications center in Leon County, detailed several examples of what dispatchers experience: a woman struggling to breathe while dying from a gunshot wound inflicted by her child’s father; an officer’s final words moments before his murder; the sound of a mother discovering her deceased infant; the 800 or so calls received in the wake of the Florida State University shooting last April.

“These are not isolated events; they are part of the job,” she said. “The trauma compounds over time with repeat exposure.”

St. Petersburg Republican Sen. Nick DiCeglie thanked Pizzo for carrying the bill and expressed gratitude to the “3,500 dispatchers” across Florida for their work.

“For me personally, (this) could be one of the most important bills that we have this Session because of the importance there is for your well-being and your quality of life,” he said.

Melbourne Republican Sen. Debbie Mayfield, who chairs the committee, echoed DiCeglie’s remarks.

Pizzo reminded the panel that four years ago, during COVID, a $280 million set-aside for payments to first responders and front-line workers did not extend to 911 dispatchers.

“They never stopped working,” he said, adding that Mayfield at the time acknowledged the oversight and pledged that the Legislature would get it right in the future. “So, it’s serendipitous that you were kind and gracious enough to put us on the agenda.”

SB 774 will next go to the Senate Appropriations Committee on Agriculture, Environment and General Government, after which it has one more stop before reaching a floor vote.

An identical bill (HB 451) by Republican Rep. Jeff Holcomb of Spring Hill awaits its first hearing in the House.



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Hillsborough College Trustees OK first step in Tampa Bay Rays stadium talks

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The Tampa Bay Rays’ search for a new home took a tangible step forward as the Hillsborough College Board of Trustees approved a nonbinding agreement that could ultimately shift the franchise away from St. Petersburg under its new ownership.

The Board voted to approve a memorandum of understanding (MOU) authorizing staff to negotiate with the Tampa Bay Rays over a potential stadium and mixed-use redevelopment at the college’s Dale Mabry Campus.

The agreement does not commit the college to the project and can be terminated by the Board at any time. Instead, it outlines key terms the parties would like to see in any future binding agreements, which would require separate Board approval at a later public meeting.

College officials characterized the MOU as the beginning of negotiations. Under the document, staff would begin drafting potential project agreements for Trustees to consider in the future, with an anticipated negotiation timeline of up to 180 days.

Rays CEO Ken Babby addressed Trustees during the meeting, calling the proposal an early milestone. He emphasized that the effort involves the college, the team, the state and local governments. Babby said the Rays are exploring a roughly 130-acre redevelopment anchored by a new stadium and an integrated college campus, alongside residential, commercial and entertainment uses. 

“As we envision this development, together in cooperation and partnership with the community and the college, we’ve been calling the campus portion of this work ‘Innovation Edge’ featuring Hillsborough College,” Babby said.

“It’ll be neighbored by, of course, what we envision to be ‘Champions Corridor,’ which we hope will be the mentioned home of the Tampa Bay Rays. Of course, this will be a mixed-use with residential, with commercial, and, as we’ve said, billions of dollars of economic impact to the region. … This is an incredible moment for our community.”

Public input was split. Supporters recognized the economic impact the project could have, while critics worried about the effect on housing affordability, in particular for college students.

Following the vote, Trustees acknowledged uncertainty among students, faculty and staff, particularly those based at the Dale Mabry campus, but stressed that the approval did not determine final outcomes.

“This is a major decision, and I truly hope that it leads Hillsborough College towards growth and advancement,” Student Trustee Nicolas Castellanos said. 

Trustee Michael Garcia echoed the sentiment.

“It’s a tremendous day for the future of Hillsborough College and for the future of Major League Baseball in the area and also for the future of the city of Tampa,” Garcia said.

Gov. Ron DeSantis publicly expressed support for the concept ahead of Tuesday’s meeting, saying it could benefit both the college and the region, while cautioning that details still need to be resolved.

“It could be very good for HCC, and I’ve met with the President about it. I think he’s excited about the possibility,” DeSantis said in Pinellas Park.

“Obviously, they’ve got to iron out details. But basically, we’re supportive of them pursuing that partnership because I think it could be good for them. I think it could be good for the state. But I definitely think it could be really good for this region.”

Also ahead of Tuesday’s meeting, Tampa Mayor Jane Castor told Florida Politics the city and Hillsborough County have been in ongoing discussions with the Tampa Bay Rays as the team explores long-term stadium options — including the potential Hillsborough College site. She emphasized that any future stadium proposal would require coordination among multiple governments and would be evaluated alongside existing contractual obligations related to other major sports facilities.

No timeline for construction, campus relocation or final land disposition was discussed Tuesday. College officials emphasized that any binding agreements would return to the Board of Trustees for approval at a future public meeting.

___

A.G. Gancarski and Janelle Irwin Taylor of Florida Politics contributed to this report.



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