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You want me to eat what on Thanksgiving?! — Part 1

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Many Thanksgiving traditions go without saying. What grown adult hasn’t, at some point in their life, sat around a table listing something for which they are grateful? Thanksgiving conjures images of roasted golden turkeys, fluffy mashed potatoes, and mom’s apple pie.

The late November gorge-fest brings to mind the smells of hours of cooking and the warm fuzzies of hanging with close friends and family.

Or it could be eating some really weird s**t.

Because wacky is more fun than traditional, I’ve compiled a list of must (or must not) adventures for an off-the-wall Thanksgiving to remember.

First up, the main event. You’ve all heard of the Turducken — a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey (I think that’s the order). That’s overdone. It’s been joked about in sitcoms and around dinner tables for years.

Let’s think bigger.

Turgooduccochiqua.

No, I didn’t just sneeze. Who would settle for three meats all tucked in together when you could have six? This big hunk of meat is a quail inside a Cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose. Did I mention there’s bacon tucked in between? I don’t know if this sounds awesome or nauseating, but what I do know is it may take four large men and a tractor-trailer to squeeze all those birds into a goose.

Bacon-wrapped bird

This one is perhaps a little old, too, but it’s weird, fantastic and gluttonous all at the same time.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the roasted turkey wrapped in a bacon blanket because what could be better than cloaking your bird in pig butt?

This superstar of poultry (and swine) is just a common bird baked, not fried, whichever you think is best. This culinary diva suggests first dry-brining the bird two days before the big day, rubbing it in bacon butter the day before and then cooking the delicious right into that bacon-wrapped beauty the day of. The only difference between this main dish and the one grandma made is the hand-woven sheath of bacon draped over it.

Using about a pound of bacon, weave one piece of raw bacon at a time over the body of the turkey, tucking each piece over and under just like Little Red Riding Hood’s little basket. The greasy bacon adds flavor to the turkey, keeps the meat moist, and the drippings make for some killer gravy.

Bon appétit! Or should I say, bacon appétit!

Tofurky

Don’t eat meat? No problem! Tofurky is just the ticket. Nothing says “Meat is gross, I don’t eat it,” like shaping tofu into a shape that looks like meat!

This vegetarian or vegan alternative to Thanksgiving’s rock star turkey is basically just a bunch of tofu squished into a cheesecloth-lined colander to take on a turkey-esque shape and then stuffed. I’ve heard it’s actually quite delicious, but I’m still a little perplexed at making non-meat main courses for people who don’t eat meat look like the thing they don’t eat. I’d make it look like broccoli. That sounds fun.

There are probably a million ways to cook a turkey that falls outside the traditional oven-roasted awesomeness or deep-fried fire hazard. I saw something about stuffing the bird with a beer can and roasting it pig-style over a giant fire pit. But I think I’ll just leave this chef’s crazy bear-shaped Frankenstein turkey right here just in case you need a good nightmare.

Whether you’re eating an actual turkey, a turkey stuffed into something else with other stuff stuffed in it, or a fake meat turkey, you can give that bird a Florida suntan with some creatively placed aluminum foil. Just crinkle the foil over the turkey in the shape of whatever bikini style suits your bird’s figure and leave it there while baking. The turkey will emerge later that day sporting tan lines. Oh, and don’t forget to position the legs above the head so it looks like your main dish is sunbathing!

Moving on to everyone’s favorite part of Thanksgiving, the side dishes!

Whipped Mashed Potatoes with Celery Root

This sounds totally yummy, but it’s weird. Mashed potatoes win the “you can’t F — this one up” award year after year. Boil some potatoes. Smother them in some milk or cream and a bunch of butter. Squish them up all nice and viola, turkey’s favorite companion and holder of gravy! With this new recipe, Uncle Fred could mess up his one contribution to the holiday dinner.

These mashed potatoes look more like Cool Whip than mashed potatoes. They’re void of any lumps and could probably be spread deliciously onto a bagel.

A pound of celery root, a few sprigs of thyme, and a hint of cheese give this Thanksgiving rendition an earthy hint. It may be weird, but it may impress your new girlfriend’s mom.

Frog Eye Salad

I’m unsure if this one is a side dish or a dessert. It could safely fall into either category, as it contains both pasta and Cool Whip. I will go with a side dish based on its’ salad’ categorization.

First off, no frogs were harmed in the making of this dish.

This recipe calls for Acini di Pepe pasta, which gives it a frog-eye appearance. It also looks like round pieces of pasta. Still, since whoever invented it clearly thought frog eye sounded appetizing, it now just looks like Kermit and his brethren sacrificed their eyeballs to garnish your Thanksgiving feast.

The eyeball-shaped pasta is mixed with a sugary combination of Cool Whip and a bunch of fruit. It looks kind of like pasta salad, but minus the usual makings of salad, like, you know, onions, celery and boiled eggs.

Throw any of these dishes onto your Thanksgiving Day spread and Grandma Esther and Aunt Edith are sure to be talking about the “weird” Thanksgiving for years to come! Please keep your eyes peeled for installment two of our wacky Turkey Day recipes for desserts, hors d’oeuvres, and even a funky cocktail.





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House panel approves bill to expand James Uthmeier’s power to target physicians

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A House subcommittee approved a bill to give Attorney General James Uthmeier expanded power to investigate health care professionals for taking care of transgender youth.

The Criminal Justice Subcommittee passed HB 743 with a 12-5 vote as Democrats and LGBTQ+ advocates rallied against it.

Under the bill, Uthmeier would be allowed to investigate and sue health care practitioners who give puberty blockers, hormones or other prescriptions to minors, or perform surgical procedures. Each violation could bring up to a $100,000 fine.

Uthmeier’s amplified authority would come after the state previously banned gender-affirming care for minors in 2023.

But Rep. Kelly Skidmore warned lawmakers that it was dangerous to give Uthmeier more power following the Hope Florida scandal.

“No disrespect to the folks who are here about gender-affirming care, but that’s not what this bill is about,” the Boca Raton Democrat said. “It is about giving one individual and maybe his successors authority that they don’t deserve and they cannot manage. They’ve proven that they cannot be trusted. This is a terrible bill.”

Uthmeier, then Gov. Ron DeSantis’ Chief of Staff, chaired a political committee that was funneled millions of dollars from a $10 million state Medicaid settlement. Critics have accused DeSantis and Uthmeier of misappropriating the money to use for political purposes. Uthmeier has denied wrongdoing.

But at Tuesday’s hearing, Rep. Taylor Yarkowsky argued Uthmeier is doing “unprecedented work” to protect kids. The lawmaker added that he is against minors transitioning until they are 18 years old and can legally decide for themselves.

“I understand this is a tough situation and I know that these feelings and emotions are real,” the Montverde Republican said. “But we have to uphold the principles and standards that made this country great, biblical, constitutional law and order at all costs. And sometimes that stings.”

HB 743 would also update the law to add that a health care practitioner who “aids or abets another health care practitioner” giving gender-affirming prescriptions or doing procedures to minors would now be charged with a third-degree felony. That could mean pharmacists filling prescriptions at Publix or Walgreens could potentially be charged for crimes, said Rep. Lauren Melo, the bill sponsor.

Melo said her bill comes as some minors are trying to skirt state law.

“What we’re seeing is there’s coding that’s actually being used that is becoming the problem, and hundreds of thousands of dollars is spent per child for them to transition and codes are being misrepresented where they are saying that it’s an indoctrination disorder instead of saying it’s a gender identity disorder,” Melo said.

Minors who have been receiving gender-affirming care continuously since May 2023 are exempt from state law, so the bill’s changes would only be applied to minors receiving care for the first time, the Naples Republican added.

Rep. Mike Gottlieb, who also believed the bill was giving Uthmeier too much power, said it could have other unintended consequences. The bill could scare doctors from prescribing medicine that helps women with bad menstruation symptoms — which has nothing to do with gender-affirming care, he said.

“You’re going to see doctors not wanting to prescribe those kinds of medications because they’re now subject to a $100,000 penalty,” the Davie Democrat said. “We really need to be cautious. I get where many of us sit in this battle. … We pass some of these laws, it’s a knee-jerk reaction. … We’re really not considering what we’re doing and some of the collateral harms that it’s having.”

He said he worried the bill would force more physicians to leave Florida.

But Melo argued her legislation was important because “unfortunately, what’s happening is there are physicians that are actually committing fraud.”

“This gives us an avenue to pursue and punish the people that are committing fraud against a minor child,” she said.

Shawna Flager, a mom advocating for her child who is transgender, criticized the bill during Tuesday’s debate.

“I feel like it introduces ambiguity. It also uses the government to create fear and intimidate our health care providers,” said Flager, of St. Augustine.



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Florida shouldn’t gamble with patient safety on false promises

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Florida lawmakers are once again being asked to expand unsupervised anesthesia practice, this time under the familiar banner of “access,” “cost savings,” and “modernization.” We are told this is inevitable — that “48 states already have similar laws,” and Florida is simply behind the curve.

That claim collapses under even minimal scrutiny.

Let’s be clear about what is being proposed: allowing Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists to practice independently, without physician anesthesiologist supervision, in all settings. This is not a minor regulatory tweak. It is a fundamental change in how anesthesia care — one of the riskiest aspects of modern medicine — is delivered.

If lawmakers want to make policy based on evidence rather than talking points, three facts matter most.

Physician-led anesthesia care is the safest model.

Anesthesia is not just about “putting patients to sleep.” It involves managing complex physiology, responding to sudden, life-threatening emergencies, and caring for patients with multiple comorbidities — often when things go wrong quickly. Physicians who practice anesthesiology complete four years of medical school, four years of residency, and often additional fellowship training. That depth of training matters when seconds count.

The safest anesthesia outcomes consistently occur in physician-led teams, where anesthesiologists work alongside Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists. Team-based care maximizes patient safety by matching expertise to the complexity of each patient’s care. Eliminating physician oversight does not improve safety; it removes a critical layer of protection.

Florida should be strengthening team-based care — not dismantling it.

Unsupervised anesthesia is not more cost-effective.

Proponents often claim that removing physician supervision lowers costs. The data do not support this. Medicare pays the same for anesthesia services regardless of whether a physician anesthesiologist is involved. Further, having an anesthesiologist present to manage complications helps control costs by reducing hospital stays and downstream medical expenses.

The cheapest anesthesia is the one that goes right the first time — and the safest model is also the most cost-effective in the long run.

These laws do not help rural communities.

This is where rhetoric diverges most sharply from reality. State “opt-out” laws allowing unsupervised anesthesia have been studied for more than a decade. The conclusion is consistent: they do not increase access to anesthesia services in rural or underserved areas.

Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists, like all health care professionals, tend to practice where hospitals are well-resourced and professionally supportive. Opt-out states did not see a meaningful expansion of anesthesia services in rural hospitals. Workforce shortages remained unchanged.

If unsupervised practice were the solution, rural access problems would already be solved. They are not.

Supporters now claim that nearly every state has “similar” laws — a creative redefinition that lumps together wildly different regulatory frameworks. Supervised practice, delegated authority, limited opt-outs, and emergency exceptions are being counted as “unsupervised care.” Florida should not make major patient-safety decisions based on inflated numbers and fuzzy definitions.

This proposal is not about modernization. It is not about rural access. And it is not about saving money. It is about replacing the safest, most cost-effective anesthesia model with one that offers no proven benefit — and real risk.

Florida’s patients deserve policies grounded in evidence, not exaggeration. Lawmakers should reject unsupervised anesthesia and instead invest in physician-led, team-based care that puts safety first — every time.

___


Rebekah Bernard, M.D., is a family physician in Fort Myers and a Board member of Physicians for Patient Protection.



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Adam Anderson’s push for more genetic counselors in Florida clears first hurdle

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Rep. Adam Anderson has successfully ushered through its first committee stop legislation that would address a shortage of genetic counselors and strengthen the state’s capacity for advanced medical care and genetic research.

Anderson’s bill (HB 1115) cleared the Careers and Workforce Subcommittee. It would establish the Genetic Counseling Education Enhancement Grant Program within Florida’s State University System to support the development of American Board of Genetic Counseling-accredited graduate-level genetic counseling programs to eliminate Florida’s status as a genetic counseling desert.

“The need for health care professionals in the Sunshine State cannot be understated,” Anderson said.

“But specialization is the true hurdle for families praying for the next innovation that will help their child. Genetic counselors guiding difficult diagnoses are in short supply. However, Florida aims to right-set our specialization efforts at the intersection between education and employment. We’re standing by Florida families and those students willing to take the next step.”

With just 179 licensed genetic counselors in the state, patient demand is not being met. Genetic counselors guide families facing complex genetic diagnoses, and they serve as essential partners in research, innovation and precision medicine.

Sen. Danny Burgess is sponsoring an identical measure (SB 1376) in the upper chamber, though it has not yet been heard in committee. Still, he celebrated initial support for the measure in the House.

“This is legislation every Floridian can get behind,” Burgess said. “Developing our workforce is step one, but retaining specialized genetic counselors in the State of Florida to help Floridians is the entire picture. Aid shouldn’t be a state away. This grant program realizes that comfort and care for Florida families should be available within Florida.”

The bill would allow grant funds to be used to recruit and retain qualified faculty, provide financial aid to students, and establish or expand clinical rotations required to obtain a master’s degree in genetic counseling. The funds would be barred from use for general administrative costs, new facility construction and non-program-related activities.

Participating universities under the bill would be required to maintain detailed compliance records and submit annual reports on expenditures and program outcomes. The state Board of Governors would then compile the information from reports into a statewide submission.

“The progress Representative Anderson has ignited is contagious. Florida is on the cusp of developing a genetic counseling workforce that meets a crucial need for families facing uncertainty,” said Dr. Pradeep Bhide, Director of the Florida State University Institute for Pediatric Rare Diseases. “FSU is all for it.”

Under Bhide’s leadership, the Institute is developing a new master’s degree program in genetic counseling.

Currently, the University of South Florida is the only state school with an active genetic counseling program, with FSU’s program awaiting approval.

“New education programs are what drive the innovations and patient care required to address complex genetic issues. Rep. Anderson and the State of Florida have time and time again seen the value in the educational framework that leads to great progress,” said Charles J. Lockwood, executive vice president at USF Health and dean of the USF Health Morsani College of Medicine.

“USF Health has long understood the need for genetic counselors in Florida, and we are excited at the prospect of further collaboration with Florida’s other universities.”

Anderson’s bill heads next to the Higher Education Budget Subcommittee. If approved by the full Legislature and signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis, the measure would take effect July 1.



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