Armie Hammer says he wanted to try the Grindr lifestyle, so he decided to hook up with a dude … but when he couldn’t get an erection, he bailed on his gay experiment.

The “Social Network” actor was discussing bisexuality on his ‘Armie HammerTime Podcast,’ when he recalled the time he tried hooking up with a French hunk … only for him to run into one huge problem facing lots of guys — a limp noodle.

Armie says he had decided to try something new after coming to the conclusion that “women are the worst” and “gay dudes seem to have it so easy.”

He says Grindr makes it super easy to get blowjobs in restaurants and he wanted a taste … so he found a handsome French man and tried to live out the gay dating-app fantasy.

What awaited Armie wasn’t a raunchy hookup story … but a rude awakening.

Armie says he had trouble with the guy’s beard, shoulders and height … and nothing so much as twitched below the belt.

As Armie tells it, things were getting hotter and heavier until reality set in … he says the Frenchman reached for his hammer but he stopped the guy in his tracks — “You’re not gonna touch my flaccid penis.”

Armie says the Frenchman tried to continue, but he’d had enough of going through the motions and put his foot down … and that was the end of his bi-curiosity.

Guess you don’t know until you’ve tried it, right Armie?!?

The Oscars weren’t just about the big screen wins — it was a full-on fashion showdown, and two style icons didn’t hold back on making their red carpet opinions loud and clear to us.

First, TMZ caught up with fashion designer Jenna Lyons, and she was living for all the sheer moments at the after-parties … giving a special shoutout to Julia Fox‘s near-naked look, and Megan Thee Stallion’s bold nipple pasties.

Catch the video, ’cause Jenna found her new season muses — telling us these daring outfits were way more practical for bathroom breaks and bodily freedom, especially compared to one big-name star whose OTT dress left her wondering how she was even navigating the night.

Jenna also pointed out the guys who were bringing their A-game, with Colman Domingo leading the pack — an opinion echoed by “Fashion Queens” host Bevy Smith, who also gave a thumbs-up to Timothée Chalamet’s yellow ensemble.

Conan O’Brien‘s well-landed joke halfway through Sunday night’s Oscars — about Kendrick Lamar calling Drake a pedophile — was nearly left in comedy purgatory, sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ Hip Hop.

Last night, Conan used a commercial break return to poke fun at the halftime cue for Kendrick to shade Drake, in a nod to rap’s biggest moment last year, and last month’s Super Bowl show (see below) … but we’re hearing both the Academy and ABC had strong reservations about getting the joke in, and pushed back in fear of how the crowd would react.

One particular producer made the case and fought the powers, because they firmly believed in the joke. Whether good or bad, the gag was bound to have a big, audible reception!!!

We now know the joke was actually constructed by his longtime writer, Skyler Higby, who told us Monday that Team Coco picking sides in the Kendrick-Drake beef is just as laughable as the joke itself.

And, Skyler’s currently calling out DJ Akademiks for spreading misinformation in Drake’s favor!!!

We also got comic vet Kym Whitley on the subject, and she highly approves of Conan’s commentary … comics aren’t scared anymore, lawsuits be damned, Drake!!!