Noah Kahan Fan Poop Incident Not Being Investigated by Police

Noah Kahan‘s mystery concert pooper won’t be answering to the law after all … because cops tell TMZ they aren’t investigating the crappy incident that left fans gagging.

Philadelphia Police tell TMZ … no one ever filed a report over the viral bathroom blunder … so there’s no investigation underway despite the internet frenzy.

As we reported, the chaos unfolded during Noah’s Friday show at Philadelphia’s Citizens Bank Park, where a woman was accused of pooping in her seat before allegedly tracking the mess through the crowd. Noah even weighed in afterward on X … begging fans not to crap their pants.

Now, Monday on “TMZ Live,” we spoke with Chelsea Dubow — the unlucky fan who captured the now-viral video — about what she says happened.

Chelsea says she didn’t actually witness the alleged act herself … but after her video exploded online, she connected with the woman seated directly behind the accused fan, who claimed the whole thing was intentional. We think that’s “smearsay” … a joke she happily embraced.

Chelsea did add one detail she says she witnessed firsthand — her husband stepped in the aftermath … making the whole ordeal a whole lot harder to shrug … or rather wipe off.