Federal Agents Reduced to Rousting Cigarette Smokers Hanging Out in D.C.

President Trump has dispatched his army of federal agents to the gritty streets of D.C. to put an end to violent crime — but what he’s actually doing is killing the vibe for a bunch dudes just chilling out, with one just havin’ a smoke … according to a new video.

The footage was shot in the nation’s capital and posted Tuesday to X, and appears to show federal law enforcement officers, flashlights at the ready, approaching a bunch of guys resting their rumps on cement stairs.

They ask to see the ID of one man who they think is smoking — wait for it — a joint! Ooooo! But once they find out it’s just a cigarette, the agents don’t pursue the matter any further and move on to other quality of life issues.

The lead agent says his team is part of Trump’s federal forces cracking down on D.C. crime and patrolling the streets. He tells the guys to let their friends know not to drink or smoke outside — ’cause agencies like the FBI are on the case. Cue the eye-roll!

Last week, Trump announced the new initiative after his former DOGE staffer, Edward “Big Balls” Coristine fell victim to a bloody attack.

But Trump’s rhetoric doesn’t match up with the D.C. crime numbers. Metropolitan Police statistics show crime down in almost every category in 2025 — at least when compared to 2024 … violent crime is down 26%, property crime is down 4% and all crime is down 7%. And a U.S. Dept. of Justice report this year shows violent crime stats in the city are at a 30-year low.